Questions I Want to Ask You by Michelle Falkoff

Author:Michelle Falkoff
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2018-03-21T00:00:00+00:00

15

Aunt Reggie leaves it to me to decide what I want her to tell Matt and Mia. I say I need some time to think and go outside, promising I’ll come back. I wish I hadn’t worked out already; as much as I hate running, sometimes it helps to clear my head. I went too hard this morning, though, and I’m too sore to do anything but walk. But walking’s better than driving.

The sky is overcast now, but it’s still nice out, with a breeze blowing and the smell of flowers in the air. Maddie would probably recognize the scent, but I have no clue. I wonder what Maddie would think of Aunt Reggie’s story, what she’d tell me if I explained all the different things I’m feeling. As I walk, I pretend she’s here, and in my head I tell her everything. How I’m mad now that I know how much Dad lied, even though he did it for me; how angry I am that I’ve missed out on this family for so long; how I’m no longer sure looking for my mother is such a good idea.

I want to talk to Maddie so bad it’s all I can do not to get out my phone and call her. But if I do that, I have to apologize and hope she’ll forgive me and we’ll be back in the same place we were when I left. If she even agrees to talk to me in the first place. Nothing will be different, and everything will be terrible. I can’t go back to her until I can tell her something new about me, about who I am. Something she didn’t know. Something that will make her see me differently. All I have now are new facts, and that’s not the same thing.

If calling’s not an option, at least I can try to imagine what she’d say, if we were still us and I could still ask for help. She probably wouldn’t be quite as forgiving of Dad as I’m inclined to be, though maybe she’d think now’s the time to tell him about the letter. She’d probably be as excited as I am about this new family; I bet she’d like Mia, too. Would she still think I should try to find my mother? I have no idea.

I know I have to stop thinking about Maddie and figure out how I feel about all of this myself, but it’s so hard. I miss her so much, and even though my aunt’s story answers a lot of my questions, it raises so many more I don’t even know what to do.

I haven’t kept track of where I’m going, and all of a sudden it’s clear that I’m lost. I try to recall which houses I passed, how many turns I’ve taken, but nothing stands out. There are lots of houses that look like my aunt’s, big and white with two stories, but there are others, too—some made almost entirely out of

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